I don't care if the world says I'm 23. I don't care if people around me are getting married and having children and selling their souls to corporate entities in the name of comfort and convention. I still feel like a young, awkward teenager most of the time.
I've talked to various people about this feeling. Most people just laugh it off. Some people were born 35 and therefore have no idea what I'm talking about. But the "old" people in my commune get it. They tell me that they feel the same way - like they've stayed the same age for years while the world around them grew up. They tell me that the feeling of being 14 will never go away. I don't know if that's good or bad.
I do know this: Growing up terrifies me.
When I was in high school, I thought it would be terribly romantic to become really famous in my mid-twenties and then die a tragic death when I'm 27. It worked for Kurt Cobain and a whole bunch of other people. And when you're 15 or 16, 27 seems like a long ways off. But now I'm 23 and that concept is no longer appealing.
Actually, I decided I want to live to be 90something after watching this movie:
And if I actually live to be 90something, I hope I'll still be laughing at dumb jokes and playing loud rock music.
Anyway, that's all I've got for this week. Happy Friday, amigos.
This is the yank, signing off.
|Me when I actually was about 14.|