Friday, 8 October 2010

Attack of The Yank

Hello, my name is Lauren and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
(All together now:  Hiiiii, Lauren.)

Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that said, “I always wanted to be somebody.  I should have been more specific.”  I feel like that’s the story of my life right now.

What is the story of my life, you ask? 

Wonder no more, I shall tell you!

I was born at a very young age, though I did not feel the need to talk or grow hair until I was approximately four years old.  People not only thought I was retarded, but they thought I was a boy (regardless of how much pink I was wearing).  “What’s wrong with him?” people would ask my parents.  “Shouldn’t you do something about this?”  But my parents stood by the fact that Einstein didn’t talk until he was four and they let me be silent and bald for as long as I wanted to.  To the left is a horrifying picture from my childhood (shortly after I decided to start growing hair).  I was enrolled in a dance class and we had a routine called "New Wave Teddy Bear" (hence the putrid brown leotard and the abysmal sparkly ears).  Don't judge - it was a long time ago.

But enough about ancient history.  Let's fast forward to my present state of misery.

(Ground control to Major Tom - you were so right about this being a difficult question to answer!)

I just graduated from college in May with degree in Cinema/Media Communications.  Going into college, the idea was to study film in hopes of becoming some notable movie director - the modern day Woody Allen.  But when college was all said and done, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be a part of the film industry.  I have a passion for screenwriting and an interest in writing sitcoms/sketch comedy, but that's kind of a difficult thing to get plugged into right away.

I always return to wanting to be a rock star.  Most people think I'm kidding when I say that.  I'm not.  In everyday life, I'm pretty quiet and reserved, so it always throws people off when I tell them I'm the lead singer/keyboardist in a band.  It throws them off even more when they come to a show and see me shredding on a keytar while wearing one of my infamous "rock star uniforms."

And as you can tell from the picture - I also have an unhealthy interest in vintage fur coats.  Don't tell my environmentalist friends.  I live in Portland so pretty much all of my friends are hippies that don't need to know I have a coat made out of an entire alpaca.

Which leads me to what I'm doing right now - living with hippies.  That's right.  I spent the summer floundering around, living at my parents' house and trying to figure out what I'm even doing with my life.  I saw an ad in the paper for an artist's commune with cheap rent and applied on a whim.  I moved in last week.  The other night I witnessed some guy eating granola out of a teapot because he didn't have any bowls.  It's a marvelous place.   

The plan was to have some sort of job by the time I moved out of my parents' house.  That didn't exactly come together like I thought it should and I'm still searching for some sort of employment.  Rent here may be abnormally cheap, but a girl's still gotta eat!  I'd be lying if I said unemployment wasn't stressing me out a little.

Also, the feeling that I should just leave town entirely and have some grand adventure in another city/state/time zone/country/continent/planet is getting stronger by the minute.  But we'll see what happens.

So that's me - The Yank.  I hope this post hasn't been too horribly depressing or anything.  Next week I get to write about the love of my life (music) so I'm sure it will be more uplifting.

Anyway, this is Lauren signing off and wishing you a happy Friday.  Peace!


  1. More like "Attack of the Awesome Yank!"

    Feels good though, getting all of those thoughts and feelings out of the way? I felt like it was cathartic writing mine - to finally address the monkey on my back (what a weird expression, eh?)

    I love, love, love your New Age Teddy Bear photo. If the three of us were having a photo contest, you'd win. Tom's Buddha is pretty awesome though...

    I think it's awesome that you're living in a hippy commune - even if you don't stay there long, you'll always have that experience. That is more than I can say about my life, and I am older than you. I envy your bravery!

    I'd better bring my A Game Monday - 'cause even though Tom picked next week's topic, you're pretty much going to own this one.


  2. Jealous! (of the collaborative blog!)I guess this is why three of my most-often read bloggers collaborated!! This is very exciting.

    Can't wait to read!

  3. You should be jealous!

    Only joking!

    Seriously though, if we didn't have readers it would just be the three of us ranting to each other three times a week - so you play a huge part in this too by reading and commenting etc.

  4. I really love the idea behind this blog, I hope it's a success!

  5. "Also, the feeling that I should just leave town entirely and have some grand adventure in another city/state/time zone/country/continent/planet is getting stronger by the minute"

    These are the words of my life right now so I pretty much love this blog.

    Also, I'm not sure if it was a typo or you meant to say it, but "I was born at a very young age" gave me a chuckle

  6. Hiiiii, Lauren!

    Sorry it's taken me so long to comment, I would give you my reasons but I know you've heard them all before. Just know that it wasn't you, 'twas me.

    Anyway, the bumper sticker is spot on. This time 5 years ago I would not have pictured my life as it is now. But I guess that's part of the fun, right? Hmmm...I'm not sure I'm even convincing myself. I must try harder! You are living through exciting times though, all change, random living quarters and a dream to strive for. I believe I may be twice the flounderer you are, young lady.

    Hope you're feeling better by the way - I blame you for my man-flu. Now I must dash and pen my blog for Wednesay although, to be honest, I don't know why I'm bothering seeing as you and Allison are musical genii. Crap, when did this become a competition? It didn't, forget I said that.

  7. You picked this topic, Tom. Just saying... Besides, I'm sure you'll upstage me with your wittiness. It's not a contest though - it's the opposite of a contest.

  8. One of the funniest posts I've ever read!